I remember when I use to change the color scheme in my house to match the seasons. Change has always been good for me because I become bored easily. There are a few areas in my life that I like to see pretty constant though....my family, my relationships and my walk with the Lord. So much for what I like. Change is here and I have no clue on how to handle it. I struggle to pray for myself or even read the Word for myself. Now if I see someone else in need I can search out the scriptures and pray for them easily. There is a very familiar scripture that haunts me from Mark 8:36 "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" It's no good whatsoever. God wants me too and I know it. If no one else wants me He will always want me. I just don't feel worthy of that want.
So....regardless of my feelings of inadequacy, I really need to allow Him to help me. Something inside of me is fighting so hard against surrendering. Even as I write I feel this overwhelming resistance. Spiritual warfare? You betcha. God knows this warrior is seriously wounded and that the vultures are trying to devour me because I cannot defend myself. I am going to ask some of my closest friends and prayer warriors to pray for my covering. That's all I can do at this point.
I'm with you in prayer.
ReplyDeleteWe aren't worthy of a relationship with the creator of the universe, the God of all creation, who with his breath creates stars. That's the beauty. We know in our hearts/spirits that we can't measure up. If we have it all together, being that on top of it woman we envision we "should" or can be, it is still our righteousness which is as filthy rags to a holy God. This is the perfect time, in utter weakness, total need, lack of self sufficiency that Gods strength is made perfect in us. god chooses who he chooses to accomplish his will. We cannot even desire him, his word or a relationship with him without being called by the father. It is not an act of our will, but the function of grace when God reveals to us our utter insufficiency to even call on him "properly". Sometimes the best we can muster up is the desire to desire Him. I will be praying with you that God reveals himself to you in a real and powerful way, a way which leaves you forever changed, that he extends his grace and mercy to you in such a profound way there will beno mistake to you or anyone in your sphere of influence that God is the healer, and lLord of Lords.
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