Funky Day

When I started this blog I said that this would be a walk through real life.  I have tried to hold back but today I just want to let it all hang out. 

I really don't like life today.  Feel like going out and drowning my sorrows in some sinful amount of food and drink but I am so dog gone broke Peter and Paul are suing me.  I don't like me today.  Wish I could just fade into the sunset but my kids....how would they feel if I just faded?

Come on!  Let's be real.  I know everyone has felt like that one time or another.  Or maybe life has always been so grand for you that all you want to do is dance through a field of daisies and sing "We're off to see the Wizard...." 

I have come to the conclusion that my 40's have been the worst.  I am ready for some good stuff to happen.  I mean, I know that just being able to wake every morning in my right mind is a gift of grace but it doesn't hurt to ask for some joy and laughter to go along with that.  How do people stay bitter all of their lives?  I just cannot stand all of the sadness and disappointment that seems to be a constant in my life lately.  Ever since I hit that bottom  I have not been able to recover.  Just when I think that I am heading in the right direction....another bombshell.

He I am.  A women who desires nothing more than to have unity in her home, a job and an opportunity to help someone else.  Sure can't do that in the state of mind I am in.  It suck!!!  It really sucks!!!

Slavery Still Exist

"....for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him."  Wow God!  What are you saying?  That is what I asked God this morning as I read about false prophets and teachers and how they will be slaves to their own lies of darkness and will enslave us by convincing us what they say is true.  It said so much more though.  Just that one portion of 2 Peter 2:19 really has me thinking.  What am I a slave to?  Is it fear, acceptance, money, food...what is it?  Who or what has mastered me.  This is really something for me to think about. 

For the past few months I have been on this mission to become fully transparent.  Maybe it is not something someone else wants to be but I know as long as I am transparent then I cannot hide behind my sin.  My strength is in loving people.  I love everyone believe it or not.  I just love to love.  Of course there are my weaknesses.  I need to be needed and  I hate rejection.  Maybe because I was rejected by my natural parents.  Maybe because all throughout my life I never felt like I belonged.  In my mind I was a "will do."  "Oh she will do for the meantime until I find another friend."  "She will do until we find a more qualified worker."  "She will do until we no longer need her or she no longer goes along with what we say."   "Will do" was my master.  At least one of my masters.  Just quickly thinking about it, I have had many masters.  It doesn't work.  Eventually it destroys you.

Slave -

1. One bound in servitude as the property of a person or household.

2. One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence

3. One who works extremely hard.

For me slavery means bondage and I don't want to be bound by anything else.  I think we get being a slave and being a servant confused.  For so long man has portrayed God as this slave master who wants to control us.  I just don't see it that way.  If that was the case then why are there so many successful unbelievers.  God's intention from the beginning was for us to live here and enjoy the beauty of His creation.  It was man's choice just like it is now to be disobedient yet we call God a slave driver.  I don't think so.  He has been trying to get us back on the right track for generations knowing that many will turn away.  He could have just destroyed the earth and recreated another perfect one.  That right there makes me think of an abortion.  So, because the baby didn't have 10 toes and 10 fingers we just get rid of it?  God is not that shallow.  In fact, if I look back over just the past year I can see how gracious and kind He has been to me.  We should all do that.  Just take a moment and think about our lives over the past week and see how God has protected us, encouraged us through His word and others and just showed himself over and over again.  It is very humbling.  While we are at it we should try to identify the things we are enslaved to.  Maybe it is not things, maybe it is people.  What?  You don't think anyone can enslave you?  You better think again. We enslave each other with our high expectations everyday. 

This is definitely something for me to think about.  What enslaves me?  Whew! Here I go again.  I better put my knee pads on.  This is going to have me on my knees double time. 

Today I will

"Jesus, lover of my soul.  Jesus, I will never let you go.  You've taken me from the miry clay, placed my feet upon the rock....."  Yes!  I feel Him loving me.  From the inside out I feel the love of my Lord this morning.  I love these moments of intense spiritual ecstasy.  Did I say ecstasy in the same breath as spiritual?  I did and I am not taking it back.  It is like no other feeling.  I know that the Lord is with me always but there are those moments when He brings me flowers and pours His anointing oil all over me.  It is amazing.

You may think I am crazy and you are right.  Crazy in love with my Lord and Savior, with my God and King.  Never in my life could I imagine loving someone so much that being in their presence brings me to such a place of humility.  It has even caused me to ask myself and others.  Are you a true believer?  Do you really love God or do you love the idea of God?  Are you willing to sacrifice ALL?  Are you willing to hand over everything God has given you and follow Him?  At first, it seems unrealistic but then remembering all that He has done for me...for you.  How can we say no?  He loves us so much that He would not do anything to hurt us.  We have to trust Him with our lives.

An example of trust for me recently has been school.  I am about to start nursing school next month.  Now I have been accepted already but there are some obstacles that have come up regarding financing.  At another time in my life I would have just thrown in the towel.  Not this time.  I can't.  This is so about trust.  Trusting God to lead me, provide for me and encourage me.  Let me tell you it has not been easy.  There are some things that I have been prompted to do that required great humility.  For me, it is the right season because I have tried to do things my way for so long and failed.  I am in total surrender to God now.  Now, don't be fooled into thinking that I think I have "arrived".  NOT!  In fact, I am so far from arrival that I have had to refuel.

I think of Ephesians 6:10-18 (message bible) And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.
Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out. 

When we totally trust God and apply His word to every area of our lives then and only then we will find ourselves in places we would of never imagined ourselves to be.  We will see the miracles that we have longed to see.  It is because of our lack of obedience and trust in God that we fall short.  It's because of sin.  I am tired of my sin.  I am tired of living this life of fear.  I know that as long as I reside here in this broken world that as Paul says, "my sin will be ever before me"  but I also know that I have been rescued from the sting of that sin.  All God wants from me is my best and I can be at my best when I abide in Him whether I feel worthy or not.  He didn't say that I had to be worthy.  He said I had to be willing.  Are you willing?

Today, I am going to trust Him and abide in Him all day.  I need a miracle today and tomorrow I will worry about tomorrow.  Everyday I will challenge myself to take a risk and follow by faith.  Everyday I will expect the unexpected.  Will you?

Dead or Alive

The closer I get to my start date for school the more I ask God, "Is this what you want me to do?"  When He sees me getting in my quiet time position He probably says, "Oh, here she comes again acting like she doesn't know what to do."  I guess my search for approval comes from making so many mistakes.  At this point in my life I cannot afford to take any road that is not paved for me. 

All joking aside, God always listens to me and answers me because He knows that I am being cautious.  He knows that it is not Him that I don't trust.  It is myself.  The reason I have made so many mistakes is that I did not take the time to be still enough and wait on God's direction.  Sometimes...or shall I say, most of the time His answer is not what I wanted to hear.  Funny how off we can be in determining how God would want us to go.  Isaiah 55:8 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  How plain can that be?  This is why this morning as I prayed about school He again let me know that I have to trust that He has my back.  I have to step out, no matter how nervous I may be and trust that He will not let me sink if I keep my eyes on Him.

As I read in the book of James this morning something was made very clear to me, "...faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead" and "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead."  If you need to verify that it is in James 2 verses 17 & 26.  So there was my answer.  All I could say is, "Wow!"  Kinda of scary when you think about it.  He really does see all and hears all. 

Now let me tell you that I am not confused about the faith and deed thing.  I know that I cannot work my way to heaven and I cannot work my way in to get what I want from God.  I also know that I cannot say I have faith and just sit on my tush and do nothing.  Faith mean that I trust God to direct my path.  Faith means I know when to be still and I know when to step out.  Faith means for every step forward I make, God makes two more for me.  Faith means that those who wish to see me fail will only be a stepping stone towards my success.  Faith mean I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Faith means not my will but His.

This morning I am taking a step of faith.  I am believing that God will go before me and shine His favor upon my life. As I step out I know that for every "no" there is a "yes".  Today my faith and my deeds will marry and I know that whether in this life or the next, I will see the promises of God alive and well.

Real Religion

Back in 2002 I came home to California on vacation from Alabama.  I had such a great time.  I always considered myself fortunate to grow up in such a beautifully diverse state.  We have become so diverse that you will find a city within a city where people from different countries have gathered to create their own communities.  It is a beautiful picture of how God created us all so differently.

Now while we were on vacation I had an opportunity to see a lot of my family members that I had not seen in a while.  In particular was my older brother.  He and I have always been very close and I believe growing up my brother was my god.  He just could not do wrong in my eyes.  He was the best brother in the world.  He played with me, he listened to me, protected me and even let me hang out with him all of the time.  As time went on our hearts never grew apart but we just didn't keep in touch as we should have. 

On this one particular day, I decided to surprise him and just show up.  When I got there he was talking all kinds of mess (jokingly of course).  We had a habit of talking (excuse my expression) s**t to one another but I just couldn't do it this time.  For the first time I saw my brother differently.  Not that I thought that I was better than him but I knew that there was someone I knew better than him OR myself who changed my whole personality around.  He noticed it too.  As we sat down and caught up with each other somewhere in the conversation he ask me if I had become on of those "religious" folks.  My response was, "No, I am not religious.  I just love God."  Now at the time I just wanted him to understand that I was not one of those church going folks that did nothing but judge and persecute those that did not believe.  I understood that those type of people had forgotten where they came from. I believe I was kind of defending my change also.

As I look back on my response I think if he asked me that question today my answer would be different.  This morning I was reading in  James 1:26-27 and it says this, "Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  I didn't realize then that my faith, my religion was being tested.  I was religious then and I am religious now.  My focus is no longer on that tall dark man who loved and protected me as a little girl.  My eyes are now focused by faith, on the unseen God who loves, protects and has given me the key to eternal life.  My eyes are now fixed on the abandoned and broken who need to know that love and security of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Daily I seek God for His instructions and even when I slip up and get off track He is there helping me to refocus.  I want to live a life for my brother and everyone else that I cross paths with, that will exemplify "Real Religion."  The question I will start asking myself when I am tempted to allow the old me to rise up is, "Is it real?"

A Good Parent

I have always considered myself blessed to have such an awesome daddy.  When I was about 3 or 4 he decided that he wanted to be my daddy.  I think it was the best decision he ever made.  Of course when we make decisions like that we must consider the cost.  Price Taylor, Jr. consider that cost.  Knowing that I was a broken little girl who needed to be loved in such a big way that he actually sacrificed daily for me.  I cannot remember a time when I ever questioned whether he loved me or not.  I know that there where times when I thought that he would stop loving me because of some of the hurts and shame that I brought to our family...but he didn't.  I use to wonder how he did it.  How could anyone love so deeply and so authentically?  I don't ask that question anymore. 

Now I thought that I was blessed growing up with such an amazing daddy.  I really had no idea how abundantly blessed I have been all of my life until I met Jesus.  Jesus made me realize that I not only had a daddy who loved me so far beyond himself but that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me so much that He sent himself in the flesh as Jesus Christ and died for me.  Yes for me!  Call me crazy but I know He had me on His mind when He took those beatings.  He had me on His mind when He carried that cross on Calvary.  Yes, He had me on His mind when allowed them to nail Him to that cross.  My Lord died for me.  What an awesome Father is He.

Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."  Good parenting requires good discipline.  Growing up I can remember my daddy spanking me one time in my whole life and he disciplined me in other ways but back then I didn't understand.  Today I do understand why and I am grateful for his many hours of talking (when I just wanted him to spank me to get it over with).  My daddy was a reflection of my Heavenly Father who, in His most perfect way, has spent many years, days and hours speaking to me through His Word and when necessary I even received some spiritual spankings. 

This morning I realized that there has been some spiritual spanking going on and today I got the talk in Hebrews 12.  God said that it was time for me to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles..."  He said that I should "fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith..."  Yes, again I take His word personally because He had me on His mind.  He said for me to be "thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."

This very day I want to say thank you to my earthly daddy, Price Taylor, Jr., for being a "good parent" and introducing me to my Heavenly Father who by all means is the "Perfect Parent."   I want to thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me with my earthly daddy and for showing me an ever flowing river of grace and mercy. 

I encourage you to read Hebrews 12 today.  May God bless you richly with great joy and peace as you seek His face.

Faith Walking

For about 14 years I've tried to walk by faith.  As Pastor Paul brought the message today about faith I began to question when does faith turn into fear?  When does it become an excuse and not a conviction?  When does it become a mask instead of a message?  According to Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  It was by faith that many many great men and women of the Bible, walked with God.  Even today, many Christians still walk by that same faith. 

As I look around at the lives of the believers of today (including my own), I see a lot more fearful faith.  We are fearful to say enough is enough because it may require us to sacrifice or be persecuted.  We make excuses for one another and we are no longer bold for the Lord and His truths.  We say we are "walking by faith", believing that God will change the situation.  So we sit with our faces covered hoping that no one can really see us and convincing ourselves that we are "walking by faith."  

I say that there has to come a time when we stand on the truths of God's Word.  As 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "We live by faith, and not by sight."  If that is the case then those coworkers, neighbors, family and friends that are so broken and so lost, they can come to Jesus.  Do we love them enough to believe that they will change or are we too fearful to reach out to them?   How will they change if they don't see a reason for change?  Loving them mean living a life worth following.  Are you loving one another, unselfishly, relentlessly encouraging and admonishing one another?  Yes, this takes work.  Lots of work.  Why else do you think we are here?  To sit on our derriere and think the Word does not pertain to us because we don't agree with it.  Sorry, no voting in this circle.  God's Word is God's Word.  Try to change it and we can find ourselves flat on our faces.  Not from falling but repenting for being so foolish as to think we are wiser than God