Do I really want to keep doing this?

Do you ever ask yourself, "Do I really want to keep doing this?"  I ask myself that question pretty frequently.  I hope that doesn't surprise some of you.  Let's be real.  When life is not just knocking you down but giving you a few swift kicks while you are down, you cannot help but ask that forbidden question.  Maybe we should ask ourselves that question more often.  When we do it requires us to consider the cost.  Cost?  Yes, there is a cost.  Not for the gift (eternal life) but what happens when we accept that gift.  It requires us to change and many of us do not like change at all.  Let me share a personal story of my own where I learned that love has no boundaries and that healing may require me to change and own up to my own short comings.

Most recently I was faced with a very difficult question....."Will you reject them?"  Now the "them" had brought much disappointment and hurt in my life. I had decided to close that chapter and walk away from all that I worked hard at keeping.  In fact, I decided that I was finished with "them" and God.  I just had nothing to offer either of them except anger and distrust.  In my mind the answer was to give up all that I once believed by ending  my life, until the Holy Spirit spoke to me (many of you may not believe that God speaks to us so I encourage you to read John 14:15-21).  This was a profound moment.  HE saved my life....again!  That began a journey of healing and revealing.  Am I completely healed yet?  No.  Has He revealed some truths to me? Absolutely!  In fact one of those truths was that difficult question...."Will you reject them?"  Even though I felt justified He reminded me that for every time I fell from grace, every time I was disobedient  HE did not reject me.  In fact, HE restored me, comforted me, rebuked me and set me back on the right path.  Never, not one time did God decide that HE was not going to love me anymore.  HE actually showed me that HE loved me even more than I could ever imagine.

 As HE reveals more truths to me I realize that living for Christ is loving because of Christ.  Even when it hurts.  Even when I don't want to.  It also showed me that I have to look in the mirror more often and ask myself, "Is this a reflection of Christ?"   Of course this task cannot be accomplished without the help of the promised "Comforter", the Spirit of our Lord and Savior.....the Holy Spirit.  Today is not finished and I know that school is not out.